its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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