Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
