respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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