Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
