I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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