I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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