I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Someone signed my nipple.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
