I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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