Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
