First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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