every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
