I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
