Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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