it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
