I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
