I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
