He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
