GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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