Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
