dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
