I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
