well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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