I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sorry my hands just texted you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
