I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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