Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
