He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
