Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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