I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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