You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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