are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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