Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't deserve a penis
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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