can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
