The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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