I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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