good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
