I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize