if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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