My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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