for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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