i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
