Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
