He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
