I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
