you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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