I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
