my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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