Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
