Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
