youre lurking in front of me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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