I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
