we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
