Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
