I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
