Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
