Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
