Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
