if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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