Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Alive.
So much puke
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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