I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
