Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
