I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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