I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
