remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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