I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
