I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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