Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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